i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
