fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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