I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
