Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
