Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
