She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
