I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
