Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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