She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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