i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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