All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
