Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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