the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
