Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
