I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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