Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
