I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
