I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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