saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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