I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
