Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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