Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
