We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
