the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
