Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
