Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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