Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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