sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
