the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
