you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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