She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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