I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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