i think i have two assholes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
