don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
