There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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