I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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