My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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