Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
