Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
