did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
