it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
