he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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