Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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