I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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