As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
