I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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