this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
