weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
