come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
