im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
