She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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