I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
