I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
