I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
